Confessions of the Fallen
by Wufeisgirl
Summary: It's basically a GW fic, with two extra characters added in. Please don't ignore until you've at least read the 1st chapter. They're short.
1. The Discovery

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its affiliates/owners. If I did, I would be lucky. ^_^  
  
I was outnumbered, and it was suicidal, but I knew it. I knew it going into this mission. I was taking out as many of them as I could without going down, but I was calmly waiting to join Meiran. I had a number of injuries, ranging from light to almost fatal, and I could feel the sting of cuts on my face, and the wetness of blood dripping between my eyes and down my cheeks. The pain was great, but bearable. At least, it was until my safety belt broke free of its clasp, allowing me to be thrown about the space of my cockpit. I was getting dizzy, so I stopped fighting, waiting for the mobile suits to finish me off. Before the darkness claimed me completely, though, I could have sworn I heard the roar of another Gundam.  
  
*--*  
  
I saw a bunch of flashes and gunfire about a mile north of the safehouse I was staying in. Of course, nothing is safe, now. It's the year A.C. 197: the reign of peace hadn't lasted. The 'war to end wars' had allowed for about nine months of peace.  
  
But back to the present. I got into my Gundam, and as I got closer, I saw another Gundam-a Gundam! -fighting a hoard of mobile suits. When I could see everything clearly, the Gundam faltered, stopped, and then tumbled headfirst into the ground. There had only been about fifty suits left. I finished them off, but it took a while, and I did not leave unscathed. A cut on my upper arm was the worst, though.  
  
I then landed my Gundam and quickly exited it. I climbed up first the leg and then the torso of the other Gundam, and manually opened the hatch. I gasped at what I saw.  
  
Blood was everywhere. It covered the top, bottom, sides, and screens of the cockpit. Not that that mattered, of course, because the screens were shattered: the shards had mutilated the boy inside. His shirt had been torn, and pieces of glass were imbedded in his bare chest, along with everything else above his waist, all the way up to where his face met black hair glistening with sweat.  
  
His safety belt had been torn free of its holster, and he was now lying face-up, but sideways, on his seat. I checked for a pulse: it was there, but thready. Silently, I prayed he would last until I could get him to the safehouse. It was a long way.  
  
*--* 


	2. Startlement

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its affiliates/owners. If I did, I would be lucky. ^_^  
  
It felt like I was swimming. There was darkness everywhere. When I tried opening my eyes, a painfully bright light interrupted my vision of nothingness. I heard, as if from far away, birds chirping, and a soft yet clear voice humming a soothing song. I opened my eyes, ignoring the blinding pain that seared through my head.  
  
Was this heaven? I tried to sit up, but the pain was unbearable. The singing stopped. No, this couldn't be heaven. It hurt too much. I opened my eyes the rest of the way, and when the glare receded, it wasn't fluffy white clouds that I saw, but rather a round face filled with startlingly grey eyes.  
  
"Who . . . who are *you*?" I was still sitting down, but I was on my guard. Had I been caught? If so, who was this girl? Oz, Romafeller? And then . . . how long did I have to live?  
  
*--*  
  
As soon as I felt him stir, I stopped singing and sat back. He was a quick one to awake, especially accounting for his current injuries. However, I wished he wouldn't move, because it had to hurt, and he might break open his wounds that I had so diligently worked to heal. I had run out of painkillers about six hours ago. I had been force-feeding him two pills every couple of hours.  
  
He opened his eyes, blinked for a couple of seconds, then sat up and stared at me. "Who are *you*?"  
  
I hesitated, then answered. "Someone you can trust."  
  
"How do *I* know that?" he asked, his onyx eyes piercing through mine.  
  
I sighed. "I will not harm you. If I had that intention, would not I have done it by now?"  
  
He seemed to ponder that for a moment. "All right. Assuming you don't plan to kill me now, then what of later?"  
  
I was getting irritated, now. "Look . . . I . . . I'm a fellow Gundam pilot . . . on a mission. This is the safehouse I'm staying in. right now, I'm trusting that you won't take your gun right there and shoot me."  
  
*--*  
  
When she said that, I realized that I was only half-clothed. She had nodded to my side, where I found that my gun lay. Thankfully, the girl had removed my shirt, not my pants. A faint blush crept across my cheeks as I found this out, though. At least it's not as bad as it could have been. I grabbed my gun, removed the safety, and pointed it straight at the girl. Her eyes widened, almost comically, then she sighed. "If you're going to kill me, then do it." Her calm almost unnerved me. It was quite like Heero or Duo. She continued, "However, at least tell my your name first."  
  
I hesitated before answering, but my gun never wavered. "WuFei Chang."  
  
*--*  
  
When he pointed the gun at me, I thought I was going to have a stroke. But after that, I was calm. "If you're going to kill me, then do it. However, at least tell me your name, first."  
  
A slight abeyance. "WuFei Chang."  
  
I *knew* that name! And now I recognized him! He was one of Master Long's students. "I . . . ."  
  
He wavered a bit, unsteady on his legs. I wondered if it was because of his injuries. I took a step forward, and opened my mouth to talk, but WuFei beat me to it.  
  
"I . . . I will not harm you," he said finally, closing his eyes. As soon as he did, the gun dropped from his hand and clattered harmlessly to the bare floor. WuFei, however, tumbled backward over a low table, knocking his head on a chair. I cringed at the loud crack I heard, and I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me.  
  
*--* 


	3. Surprise

*--*  
  
The darkness, again, was my home for now. When I awoke, however, this time neither did I move or open my eyes. She was singing again, the girl, and I could feel a cold cloth on my forehead. This girl was . . . intriguing. Distinctly American, like Duo, she did not have an unpleasant voice like him. Rather, she was pleasant to listen to. . . and she was at least attempting to give me medical care. Adept, at the least.  
  
I opened my eyes. I was looking at the ceiling, now. So I was lying down again. The singing stopped, and the girl's face came into my view, upside down.  
  
"How are you feeling?" she asked, her lips moving, but her voice sounding very far away. I didn't answer to this, but nodded. She looked skeptical. "Uh-huh. Well, at least your fever's gone down. I'd tell you to put your shirt back on, but it's pretty ripped up." She disappeared from my vision again, and I struggled to sit up. It hurt a lot, but the girl's hands were suddenly on my shoulders, steadying my ascent. Either her skin was cool, or my skin was exceptionally hot. She came around holding a tattered blue tank top. I assumed it was mine. I didn't even ask.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
*--*  
  
"Thanks."  
  
*That* was unexpected. "Huh?" I answered intelligently. "I mean, what for?"  
  
He glanced up. "For saving me," he said simply.  
  
I shrugged. "You would have done the same thing."  
  
"Don't be so sure," he muttered, again looking down. "I have few close comrades. I can't trust anyone other than myself. I probably would have left you there."  
  
I found *that* heartening. "Well," I said brightly, changing the subject, "I didn't get to introduce myself. My name is Kristen Jones . . . ." I hesitated at this point. I had had this all worked out in my head. "My Master was. . . Master Long's brother," I blurted out. I slapped my hand over my mouth as soon as I said it, tears welling in my eyes. When L-5 had been destroyed, both my and his master had died, along with my best friend, Mei Yuan.  
  
Now it was *his* turn to be surprised. 


	4. Sympathy

*--*  
  
Master Long's brother? This girl . . . Kristen . . . had trained under Master Long's brother, Shao? It was impossible! He would have told me . . . wouldn't he have? I was almost positive he would. Why would he keep such a secret from me? Maybe . . . maybe because of the war? I wouldn't want my identity revealed, either. I didn't know what to say. "I'm . . . I'm not sure . . . ."  
  
She had tears in her eyes. Both of our teachers had died when L-5 exploded. That brought back unpleasant and unwanted memories. I pushed them aside for now. "I'm . . . sorry . . . for your loss. My whole clan died then."  
  
"I know," she whispered. "I'm sorry, too. But . . . it wasn't your fault, and it wasn't my fault, even though I want to blame myself for it. It wasn't anyone's fault. It . . . it had to be done."  
  
*--*  
  
I felt bad for WuFei. I truly did. His whole clan . . . his friends, his family . . . everyone gone. "So you are the last one?"  
  
He nodded. "I am the last descendant, and heir to the throne."  
  
Great. So not only was he Master Long's favorite student, he was royalty, too, in a sense. At least, ruler of a dead nation.  
  
He muttered something, then exclaimed, "My mission! How long have I been here?"  
  
I hesitated. He seemed pretty angry. But then again, he'd get even madder if I lied or didn't tell him the whole truth. I grimaced, and then answered. "Four days."  
  
He jumped up immediately, staggering only a little. "What?! You must be lying!" He grabbed my arm forcefully, causing me to wince at the pain it caused my injury. "Tell me the truth, woman!"  
  
*--*  
  
She shook her head. "I *am* telling the truth, WuFei. You have been here, under my care, for four days. You just regained consciousness yesterday." She pulled her arm from my grasp.  
  
Four days. I had been detained here four days. I guess it didn't really matter, considering the mission had obviously been successful. It had to have been. Otherwise, I would not be here. Kristen must have defeated the rest of the mobile suits. That's when I noticed the white bandages tied sloppily around her upper right arm. The one I had grabbed earlier. I was close enough to touch them. "You didn't do so good, here. What did you do?"  
  
She hissed when I touched her arm a second time. "It's nothing. Just a little scratch, that's all."  
  
I didn't believe that for a second. A Gundam pilot, letting a little cut bother her? And the bandage ran all the way from her shoulder down to her elbow. "Nonsense. Now, let me see." She glared at me for a long while before warily letting me untie the strips of uneven cloth. She had put on three layers, I thought to keep infection out, but now looked like to keep the blood from showing through. The top layer was a thick cloth-like material. As soon as I stripped it off, I could see the blood seeping through the second latyer, soaking it and turning it a deep red colour. When I pulled off the bottom layer, Kristen gasped in pain, and I could not help but see why.  
  
Her whole upper arm was a bright red, and the area around the would was more this, and swollen. This, in itself, might not have been so bad, but the fact that the gash ran almost as long as the bandage had been made it worse.  
  
"Kristen. . ." I said, breaking the silence.  
  
"Shut up," she hissed through gritted teeth. "I *know* I didn't do a very good job. It's not like I'm left-handed."  
  
"It's infected," I said quietly. Understatement of the year. It looked like she had dipped her own arm into a vat of bacteria. This time she didn't even talk; she just glared. I sighed. "I'll see if I can help." I got up to get some medical supplies. Kristen sat sullenly on the bed. I came back, standing in the doorway. "Does it hurt?"  
  
"No," she said, the lie plain on her face. I didn't even bother correcting her.  
  
"Is there anything else I should know about?" I asked.  
  
She nodded. "Yes. . . but nothing to be bothered about. A sprained ankle, at the very most."  
  
I started wrapping her arm in fresh, clean bandages. Halfway through, I felt the weight of her arm on my shoulder. I blushed, but continued until I had finished. "Kristen, I'm done . . . ." She didn't answer. "Kristen?" Still nothing. I shifted a bit, and her head almost fell off my shoulder. She was sleeping. I looked outside. Broad daylight. She shouldn't be sleeping, but. . .  
  
+++  
  
"You've been here, under my care, for four days."  
  
+++  
  
Four days. . . . She probably hadn't slept in as long, too. I'd heard that's how one breaks someone they want to question. Sleep deprivation. Three days against your own will, seventy two hours, was enough to drive one insane. One more day than that, Kristen had stayed up. She must be exhausted.  
  
This made me feel guilty. I had honour. She had taken care of me, and I would return the favour. I picked her up under her armpits, but stopped when I felt bones grate underneath my fingers.  
  
+++  
  
"Is there anything else I should know about?" I asked.  
  
She nodded. "Yes. . . but nothing to be bothered about. A sprained ankle, at the very most."  
  
+++  
  
That could be very true, a sprained ankle. But Kristen had just a little more than that, including at least a couple of cracked, if not broken, ribs.  
  
"Geez. . . ." I at least let her keep her dignity, though sleeping, by only lifting up her shirt to tape her ribs, blushing all the while. There was no way she'd let me do this if she were awake.  
  
*--* 


	5. Delight

*--*  
  
I woke to a stiffness that I was familiar with. I groaned. Taped ribs. They'd felt funny before, after the attack when I found WuFei, but I hadn't thought anything of it. Now, though, was another story. They hurt like hell. I opened my eyes, but I didn't even try sitting up. I moved my head sideways to find out what time it was. It was nighttime. I had been sleeping for half a day?! And I didn't even remember falling asleep.  
"WuFei . . .?" I croaked.  
  
He was at my side already, meditating, or something. "Sorry," I whispered, and turned over on my side to keep from bothering him . . . and looking at him.  
  
"No, it's okay," I heard him say.  
  
"No, go ahead. I won't bother you."  
  
"It doesn't matter. I'm done, now. How're you feeling? Did you sleep well?"  
  
I nodded, wary. "Yes, of course. Why?"  
  
He shrugged. "When you passed out," I cringed, "I took you to this pallet. The one I hadn't been sleeping in. It had not been slept in in days."  
  
"So what?" I demanded. "I didn't need the sleep *that* bad, obviously."  
  
"Really? That's funny, because you've been sleeping straight through for about fifty six hours, now."  
  
"What?!" There went the half-day idea.  
  
"Even a perfect soldier needs sleep," he went on as if I had said nothing. "Without it, you are worse than useless."  
  
I blushed. "Well . . . it was worth it," I whispered.  
  
"What? I did not hear you."  
  
"Nothing," I muttered. "It was nothing."  
  
*--*  
  
I knew Kristen had not slept in a while. It was plainly obvious. She had slept, now, for almost two and a half days. "If you are rested well enough, now," I said, gathering the few things I had brought in here off the floor, "I must be going. You might want to, also. Do you have any comrades or. . . friends. . . that you can call?"  
  
She nodded. "My friend Jaime. . . . She's also a Gundam pilot."  
  
I nodded. "Do you have a communicator I can use to contact my comrades?"  
  
"Yes, but. . . . Take me with you!" She blushed. "At least, for now. At the moment, I don't have anywhere else to go."  
  
I hesitated. "Fine. Just don't get in my way."  
  
*--*  
  
I shouldn't have said anything, but I didn't really want to stay here by myself, so I just blurted it out. And besides, I didn't want to be lonely.  
  
As soon as WuFei was done talking, (he wouldn't let me see who), he nodded. "Let's leave. Master knows who you are and he's briefing the others."  
  
I was confused. "Others? What others?"  
  
He didn't answer that, but he told me something I *did* like. "Your friend, Jaime Bates-"  
  
"Wait," I interrupted, "how do you know her last name?"  
  
"Wait for me to finish, and you'll find out," he growled.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Jaime is already at the safehouse with the others. Let's go."  
  
*--*  
  
We arrived at Quatre's mansion about an hour and a half later. I had not told Kristen where we were going, just for the sole reason of seeing her reaction. It was amusing, to say the least.  
  
"Oh, my god, what *is* this place? Some kind of palace? Geez!" She walked around, wide-eyed, before coming back to stand with me. "So, where are the 'others'?" she asked, putting unnecessary, if unconscious, emphasis on the last word.  
  
"In here," I said, gesturing towards a door. "After you."  
  
*--* 


	6. Horror

*--*  
  
Man, the place was *huge*! And that's an understatement. There had to have been a bathroom probably every five doors, and there was no absence of those, either. The doors, I mean. The entire hallway I went exploring in seemed to be made of them. I even took a drink from a drinking fountain before realizing that WuFei was still standing in the foyer, waiting for me. I felt my face heat up, and I scrambled back to him. When did I start trying to please him? "So, where are the others?" I asked.  
  
I think he came close to rolling his eyes. "In here." He pointed to one of the many doors. "After you."  
  
I knocked on the door. Almost immediately, a man in a blue sweater and khakis opened the door.  
  
"Please, come in. I hope you find everything most adequate."  
  
Golden-yellow hair, aquamarine eyes, it could only be one person.  
  
"Quatre . . . Mr. Winner?" I blushed at my stumble, and bowed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Winner . . . ." I paused. Wait. Quatre Winner . . . was a Gundam pilot. "Are . . . are these the 'others'?" I looked back at WuFei, who nodded silently. When I turned back to Mr. Winner, the door was wide open, revealing three more famous Gundam pilots, and a scared, yet relieved- looking Jaime, sitting next to one of them. I didn't know all of their names, but Mr. Winner took care of that.  
  
"Kristen," he said, jerking my attention back to the present, "I'll introduce everyone." He pointed them out, respectively with their names. "This is Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, and Heero Yuy." Jaime was sitting next to Trowa, then. "You've already met WuFei, and I'm Quatre Raberba winner." He took my hand in his and kissed it lightly, bowing. I blushed yet another time. Would it ever stop?  
  
"Mr. Winner . . . . I . . . ." I stammered.  
  
He smiled. "Please. Just call me Quatre. Alright? And it's nice to finally meet you. Jaime has told us so much about you already."  
  
I glared at Jaime, who grinned sheepishly. "Sorry," she mouthed. I nodded.  
  
Heero stood up. "Now that we've all gotten acquainted with each other, I get the distinct pleasure of inviting you all on a mission."  
  
I opened my mouth to protest, as WuFei and I had just finished a mission, but Heero looked at me.  
  
"You have no choice."  
  
*--*  
  
I could feel anger and jealousy boil through the surface of my calm façade when Quatre kissed Kristen's hand, but I quickly stifled it. I didn't understand why I was feeling this, or even why I should be jealous at all. I got a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach when Heero told us there was a new mission, though.  
  
"There's a new faction uprising against the ESUN." He grimaced. "They've acquire thousands of mobile suits and an army large enough o significantly catch ESUN's eye, all behind our backs. They're starting their attacks tomorrow."  
  
"They can't attack ESUN! Who's going to defend it? And who do they think they are, anyway?" Kristen demanded.  
  
"They can, and they will. They'll do whatever they want. We were lucky that someone was able to intercept one of their transmissions. As to whom they think they are, they call themselves the Mariemaia Foundation, or something like that. Run by Deakim Barton, and headed by a mere girl. And to answer your question, *we* are to defend ESUN. At any cost, including that of our lives."  
  
*--* 


	7. Sweet Dreams

*--*  
  
I couldn't believe it. I don't think I'd ever been in a mission this dangerous before. Jaime, either. "Wait, it can't be just us seven . . . can it?"  
  
Heero shook his head. "Besides ourselves, we have only a few hundred elite mobile suit pilots at our disposal. Five hundred at the most. We didn't *plan* on another uprising. We weren't' *supposed* to have an army in the time of peace. That's all we can get."  
  
I turned to WuFei. "Then . . . ."  
  
He nodded. "Those few mobile suits I fought a week back were probably part of this Mariemaia Faction."  
  
I rolled my eyes and almost snorted. If there's anything WuFei had, it was pride. 'Few'. The ground had been littered with destroyed mobile suits by the time I had gotten there.  
  
Heero nodded, also. "Yes, that's what I and the doctors believe, too. Kristen," his saying my name sent chills through me, "you and WuFei will be sent off as a team, as well as Jaime and Trowa, since you already know each other."  
  
I could've grinned when Heero said that. I wouldn't mind spending more time with WuFei. Who wouldn't? It's not like he's not good looking. Jaime looked pretty happy, too. Maybe she liked Trowa as much as I liked WuFei. Of course, that would never happen. Between WuFei and me, I mean. He's way too serious for that.  
  
*--*  
  
Two hours later, we were finished with the debriefing on the mission, and it was now almost ten in the evening, and Kristen and I were in our room we had to share. Time for bed. As soon as I realized this, I yawned, causing her to give me a queer look.  
  
"Look," I said, hiding yet another yawn with my fist, "it's late, and we have to get up early tomorrow. Let's hit the sack, okay?"  
  
She hesitated, but nodded slowly. "Alright . . . . Let me turn off the light."  
  
As soon as the light blinked out, I hastily undressed as quietly as I could. I blushed when I could hear rustling as Kristen undressed, and wondered absently if it would be worse with the lights on.  
  
"Sleep well, and wake, WuFei Chang," Kristen's voice came from the surrounding darkness.  
  
" . . . Goodnight . . . Kristen."  
  
*--*  
  
I was with WuFei the next morning. It was bright and sunny. We were both sitting under a shady tree, and WuFei's head was resting in my lap, the rest of him splayed out on the warm grass.  
  
"Kristen? I want to tell you something."  
  
"Hmm?" I said, distracted. His hair was so soft.  
  
"Kristen," WuFei said again, his voice sounding farther away.  
  
"Uh-oh," I said. "No, this isn't fair." Yep. I was dreaming.  
  
"Kristen, it's time to wake up."  
  
I groaned and opened my eyes to WuFei's obsidian ones. "Aw, come on. I was having a good dream. Just a couple more minutes? Please?"  
  
He shook his head. "No, you can't. everyone else is awake already. Though, it seems that you are not the only one who has problems getting upin the morning. However, it's already four o'clock."  
  
*That* got me out of bed. "What?! I'm not even going to have time to shower! How come you didn't wake me up earlier?" I rolled out of bed and fell onto the floor with a loud thump.  
  
"Because you wouldn't wake up."  
  
I stopped struggling with my sheet. "Oh. Is Jaime up yet?"  
  
He grinned. Kind of. "She had a hard time."  
  
I laughed. "Right. Let me go get dressed."  
  
*--* 


	8. Bitterness and Sorrow

*--*  
  
I had lied. I had not tried to wake Kristen up earlier. She was curled up under her blanket, shivering. It *was* cold in here, I realized, as I stood there in nothing but my tank to and pants. How could *she* be cold? Her head was even under the blanket, and she was still shivering. So I put another blanket over her, and let her sleep another half-hour. At leas she wouldn't be as grouchy.  
  
It was only fifteen minutes later that we were all sitting in the main lobby of Quatre's mansion. It looked like Jaime was attached to Trowa's side, and neither one was complaining. I would have been jealous, but Kristen was leaning on me completely, trying not to fall asleep. Today was going to be a long day.  
  
We went over mission tactics and formations once more, just in case it hadn't been ingrained completely the night before. As we headed to our Gundams, I noticed Altron had been fixed up. "Maxwell . . .?"  
  
Duo grinned, and tipped his hat in my and Kristen's direction. "Courtesy of Howard. Yours, too, babe."  
  
"Maxwell," I growled.  
  
Duo winked. "I gotcha, Wu-man. Gotcha covered." He suddenly became somber. "Hey, you two watch your asses out there. Y'hear me?" I just glared, and Kristen nodded.  
  
"You, too, Duo!" she waved back.  
  
*--*  
  
We were going to attack one of their bases before they could attack ESUN's. I guess that's why we got up so early. I was still yawning. And I was probably stinky, because I hadn't had a shower yet. I hoped WuFei didn't notice if I was.  
  
For this particular attack, we weren't going to use our extra soldiers. We also hoped we wouldn't have to use them any time. We didn't think we'd need them. This was a large base, yes, but only housing about 500 mobile suits. We figured we could handle it on our own, and we were right.  
  
In my cockpit, I could hear the sounds of the battle from my speakers, and the others' speakers, as well. I heard the yells of victory from Duo and Jaime, and myself and WuFei, but . . . . I heard also the cries of the wounded, the screams and moans of the dying . . . .  
  
Later that night, as WuFei and I were getting ready for bed, in the darkness I sat and thought. I thought about what we were fighting for, and I thought about the people we killed, and the pain we caused. Innocent? Quite possibly. They were probably just following orders. Innocent.  
  
Innocent. I killed innocent people. And I started crying.  
  
I don't know how long it was before WuFei came. Great. Now he probably thinks I'm completely stupid. "Go away," I mumbled into the shirt of my nightgown. "Just . . . go away . . . ." I didn't hear anything, so I looked up. I saw WuFei shaking his head sadly. He really did think me weak. I cried even harder.  
  
WuFei knelt down enxt to me. "Is it like this every time?"  
  
I nodded. "But there's only been one other time. When I found you. Simulations just aren't the same, you know?"  
  
He nodded, but looked thoughtful. "Kristen . . . ."  
  
*--*  
  
Jesus. This girl had had plenty of training, but only two battles? No wonder she broke down like this. "Kristen . . . ."  
  
She just looked up at me with her eyes full of tears, and I felt her sorrow, her sympathy, her. . . her pain.  
  
I enfolded her in my arms, and I hugged her. Her arms came around, and her hands clutched at my back so hard I think I might have actually felt pain. Just a little. "Shh, Kristen, it's all right." Only . . . it wasn't. I didn't know what else to say, though. How could I tell someone who had just killed probably a hundred people that it was going to be all right? There was no way. It was impossible. The only thing she *could* do was just move on.  
  
"WuFei?" she asked, breaking my train of thoughts.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Will . . . will this ever end?" she inquired into my shirt.  
  
"The war? Or the evil in people?"  
  
". . . Both."  
  
I sighed. "The war? Eventually. Evil will always be around, though, and unfortunately, that causes more problems than anything else. It's hard to tell."  
  
Kristen nodded, but didn't say anything. Eventually, she stopped crying, and fell asleep. I set the alarm clock for six, and soon followed her.  
  
*--* 


	9. Attack!

*--*  
  
I opened my eyes, but what I saw was not the ceiling. It was the underneath of the bed I had been given to sleep on. I was warm, yet I had no blanket on, and there was a heavy weight on my waist. "Whaa-" I turned around and came face-to-face with WuFei's . . . well, face. But he was sleeping.  
  
I smiled sadly, remembering the events of last night. This would not have happened under normal circumstances. I wished it would, but no. I gently removed WuFei's arm from around my waist, and slid out as quietly as I could. My whole right side was numb from sleeping on it all night.  
  
I looked out the window on my way to the shower. It was very early. The moon was still out, and the stars still mostly visible. Too early for WuFei to be up. Before I took my shower, I snuck down to Jaime and Trowa's room. I turned the knob, and found it unlocked. Proof of how much the Gundam pilots trusted each other. I peeked inside. The room was dimly lit from the hallway light, but it was enough to see Trowa and Jaime spooned against each other on the king-sized bed. I turned away. Trowa's breathing didn't change, but something made me look at him again. Hs eyes glittered as he watched my every move. I sighed. "You two are so right for each other."  
  
"You really should tell him. How you feel, I mean. You never know when there will be no more tomorrows."  
  
"I wish I could." I grinned ruefully. "Besides, he would never think of me like that. He's all business."  
  
He shrugged slightly. "You never know. The worst he could do is reject you. But suit yourself."  
  
I nodded and left the room. I could never tell WuFei how I really felt.  
  
*--*  
  
Jaime opened her eyes as the door shut behind Kristen. "D'you think she'll ever tell him? I don't think she will."  
  
Trowa shook his head in agreement. "By the time she does, it will be too late."  
  
"I hope not. I sincerely hope not," she whispered. "What time is it?"  
  
"2:30. Go back to sleep. I'll wake you when it is time to get up."  
  
Jaime smiled sleepily as a pair of warm arms encircled her.  
  
"Good night, Trowa . . . . I love you."  
  
"I . . . love you, also. Good night."  
  
*--*  
  
I didn't want to go back to the room after what had happened with WuFei, so I took my shower at two thirty in the morning. I almost fell asleep, so I turned only the cold water on, and sat there for almost a half-hour.  
  
Afterwards, I decided to practice my katas. I also decided against waking Jaime. It was too early, and I wanted her to have her peace with Trowa. So I began my katas alone.  
  
I must have spaced out, I was so distracted, because suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I had not heard them come up. I jumped and turned around, kicking my attacker in the face. Or, at least, I tried to. My attacker caught my foot, and I fell to the ground on my butt, my balance overturned.  
  
*--* 


	10. Too Scared

*--*  
  
"Oww, WuFei, that hurt!" Kristen rubbed her lower backside after standing up. "What'd you do that for?"  
  
I had come here originally to talk to her about last night, and to do what Trowa and Quatre had suggested a couple of days ago. But I found I had no courage. "You're doing it wrong," I said bluntly.  
  
She stopped moving. "Huh?"  
  
"Your forms. Here, I'll do them with you." We worked together silently for the next forty minutes. I corrected her where she was wrong. "No, not like that." I moved her arms, and changed the angle of her hands slightly. "Like this." By the time we were finished, we were both hot and sweaty, and I *still* had not accomplished what I had come for.  
  
*--*  
  
Oh, why did he have to come here? I get so flustered every time he's around. Every time he put his hands on me to correct me, I felt my face hat up. I found myself almost making the errors on purpose, I longed for his touch so much. "WuFei, I . . . ." I want to say I love you. I want to say this past month has been torture for me, being so close to you, yet so far away.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I . . . nothing. I'll see you later." I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I was too weak, too scared. Too 'chicken'. There was no way I could ever tell him.  
  
I took off at a run as soon as I turned the corner, going full speed until I hit our room. I lay on my bed under the covers and sobbed silently.  
  
*--*  
  
"WuFei, I . . . ." she started, toweling her face dry. She gave me an odd look, and I thought, or rather, hoped there was something more than friendship there, but all I saw was confusion.  
  
"Yes?" Now *I* was confused.  
  
"I . . . nothing. I'll see you later." With that, she left.  
  
I sighed as soon as she was gone, and sat on the floor of the training room. I had hoped so much that she harbored the same feelings for me as I had for her, but now it seemed nothing but a hopeless cause; I was nothing more than a comrade. Nothing less, but nothing more, either. I went back to practicing my katas for the next two hours, working myself to exhaustion.  
  
*--*  
  
Jaime sighed when Trowa woke her up at six o'clock. "Jaime . . . koi, it's time to get up." She blushed at her nickname.  
  
"Mmm. . . ." A month since Trowa gave that advice to Kristen, today was the day they attacked the home base of the Mariemaia Foundation. Mariemaia and Deakim Barton would be there, and the Gundam pilots' orders were to capture them. "I have a bad feeling about today, Trowa," she said sleepily. "I don't like it at all."  
  
"It's okay," Trowa replied, his voice muffled by his shirt as he pulled it over his head. "Today was well-planned. Nothing can go wrong."  
  
Jaime shook her head. "I just don't like not being able to use our Gundams. I feel so unprotected. I don't see why we can't just kill Deakim and Mariemaia and get it over with."  
  
"Don't worry, you'll have your weapons, and you're well-trained. Don't doubt yourself, and you'll do fine."  
  
Jaime nodded, still unsure. "I hope so."  
  
*--*  
  
WuFei and I were in our room again, and an awkward silence reigned. After that incident a month ago, I mostly stayed to myself after battles, sometimes even locking myself in the bathroom. I tried to think of something to say as I strapped my shoulder holster on, but WuFei beat me to it.  
  
"You do realize that this is it, don't you?"  
  
I glanced up. "What?"  
  
"The last day. If everything goes as planned, the war will be over, and we can all live in peace."  
  
I nodded. "Yes. I hope it all goes smoothly."  
  
WuFei smiled ruefully. "This is too well-planned for it to go wrong. It's a flawless victory."  
  
I was still worried. Something bad was going to happen. I knew it, and I felt it in my heart.  
  
*--* 


	11. The Beginning

*--*  
  
I could see the apprehension and worry in Kristen's eyes. I felt a little queasy myself, because this seemed a little *too* easy. So I could understand her dilemma, but there was no way this could go wrong. We were to infiltrate the building, then capture Mariemaia and Deakim Barton, then leave. It was simple.  
  
Leaving for the last base we would attack for this war, I thought about what I would say to Kristen after we successfully completed this mission. As soon as we were done, I would tell her that, even though I'd only known her for a couple for months, that I liked her as more than a friend and comrade. Trowa said the worst that she could do is reject me, and I agreed. My pride would be injured, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. He told me that a man once told him to follow his emotions, and that's just what I'd do.  
  
"WuFei . . . ." a voice and a light hand on my arm interrupted my thoughts. I caught a glimpse of Kristen's worried face before she turned away. "Are you all right?"  
  
My glare softened a bit. "Yes, I'm fine."  
  
She walked on quietly, not saying anything. I finally broke the silence. "Kristen . . . after . . . . after this whole thing is done, I . . . I want to tell you something."  
  
She turned around completely. "What?"  
  
*--*  
  
"Kristen . . . after . . . after this whole thing is done, I . . . I want to tell you something."  
  
That stopped me. *After* this was done, he wouldn't just leave? I had hope, turning around. "What?"  
  
"I would wish to speak with you when we are done."  
  
"Oh." So it was all business, I guess. Just friends. "Alright. Afterwards, then." I sighed. I probably wouldn't ever tell him. Especially after that incident a month ago.  
  
Soon, we were at the front gates to Augustus, the last stronghold of the Mariemaia Foundation. It was midnight, but there were still a few lights on in the building.  
  
"There's minimal security," Trowa whispered, scaring me out of my wits. "Even so, take these." He and Jaime handed everyone communicators. "Just to be safe. Just turn them to channel B when we get to the front door. You'll be able to talk to anyone you wish using the numbers on the left side, or to everyone with the number zero." He nodded, satisfied. "Remember this."  
  
I nodded, showing that I understood. Time to get moving.  
  
*--*  
  
Once we all split up, we went to our designated places. Kristen and I went to the side entrance, and set our communicators to B-5. I picked the lock on the door, and we went through without making a sound. Once inside, Kristen pulled a gun from her waistband and loaded it. I did the same thing.  
  
"Well?" she whispered. "What now?"  
  
"Well, now we go after any guards that get in our way between here and the main control room, where Mariemaia and Deakim are. How's that?" I answered.  
  
Kristen grinned. "Sounds good to me. Are we splitting up?"  
  
I shook my head. "Not right now. Let's stay together for the moment. Agreed?"  
  
She nodded. "Let's go!"  
  
*--* 


	12. What Fears to Come

*--*  
  
Jaime and Trowa had wet their communicators to B-3, and then separated. Jaime went down the left hallway of the first fork they came to, and Trowa took the right.  
  
"Trowa . . . Trowa, are you there?" Jaime asked through her speaker.  
  
". . . yes . . ." Trowa's voice crackled through. "I'm here."  
  
Jaime sighed in relief. "I'm glad they work."  
  
Trowa chuckled slightly. "I acquired them from Howard. You know, Duo's friend. They'd *have* to work. Otherwise he wouldn't give them to us."  
  
Jaime nodded. "I guess so. I *still* feel like something bad is going to happen, and I don't like it. . . ."  
  
*--*  
  
Heero went directly to sector A-4, the boiler room. He then proceeded to shut off the electricity and security cameras there. However, as soon as he left the room, he saw a camera in the corner, a little red blinking light on one edge showing it was still alive and kicking.  
  
"K'so. . . ." He turned the corner only to see maybe fifty armed Mariemaia Foundation officers patrolling the hallway. Unfortunately, he couldn't back away soon enough before a couple of them saw him. He ran all the way back to the boiler room, turning his communicator to channel B-0.  
  
"Everybody! Listen up! Intelligence was wrong! If this place is lightly guarded, then I've got the whole building's security on my ass right now. Duo! I need your help! Get over to sector A-4, now!"  
  
"Right! I'm on my way, 01!" Duo replied.  
  
"Shit, oh, shit," Heero said. "Jaime, Trowa, Kristen, WuFei! Are you guys listening?!"  
  
*--*  
  
"Trowa, I think we should check with the others to see how they're doing," Jaime suggested. "Let's turn to B-0, okay?"  
  
"Roger."  
  
"-guys listening?!"  
  
Jaime almost reeled back in shock. "Heero? What the hell's going on?"  
  
"Jaime? Trowa? Listen carefully. I've got about fifty armed soldiers-" Heero was interrupted by what sounded like gunshots ringing against a metal door. "-armed soldiers in my face right now, trying to get to me. Be careful! This place is loaded to the last person! They're all over! Duo's coming over to help me, but I want you guys to stay together. Do you hear me? I don't want anyone separated. Trowa, Jaime, see if you guys can find Quatre! I haven't heard a word from him since we got here!"  
  
"Alright," Jaime said, on top of Trowa's "Roger that. We'll find him."  
  
"Oh, shit," Jaime said suddenly. "Trowa, Heero, what about Kristen and WuFei? Did you get a hold of them, Heero?"  
  
"Negative. I'm going to try every channel until I find them."  
  
Jaime nodded, then remembered that Heero couldn't see her. "You don't have to check channel B-3. That's what Trowa and I were on."  
  
"Alright. I'll catch up with you later."  
  
Jaime was worried. "Trowa, what if Quatre is dead? If there's as many guards as Heero says there are, then he might be. I hope not! Oh, Trowa!"  
  
"C'mon, Jaime, think clearly! What was his entrance area?"  
  
"C-7. I'll meet you in the main control room with Trowa. Okay?"  
  
"Alright. . . . . I don't like it, but we're already too far apart. Stay safe, Jaime. . . . Please? I. . . care too much about you to lose you."  
  
Jaime blushed. "I love you too, Trowa."  
  
*--*  
  
"WuFei, I think we should split up, now. We're almost there, and there's been no guards."  
  
WuFei nodded. "Yes, I think it is safe to do so, now. We will meet in the main control room, alright? I'll take a right at the next V, and you take the left part of the fork. Got it?"  
  
I nodded. "Yes."  
  
"I'll see you again soon, Kristen." He said as he veered off. "Be safe, please," he whispered.  
  
I stood there, shocked. Did he just express concern for me? "WuFei. . . ." I was touched. Maybe he *did* see me as more than a friend? I shook my head. No. It was impossible. He was about as warmhearted as Heero. Not happening.  
  
I ran off my side of the fork about a minute later, not wanting to stall any longer. I ran for what seemed like hours, but it could only have been minutes, when I found a dead end. "Shit!"  
  
*--*  
  
"Quatre? Quatre, do you read me?" Trowa called through his communicator.  
  
"Nnh. . . ."  
  
"Quatre? Quatre, where are you?"  
  
"C-8. . . . Trowa, help. . . ."  
  
"Quatre? Quatre!" Trowa ran as fast as he could to C-8, where he found a very scared and injured Quatre sitting against a wall. "Quatre, what happened?"  
  
". . . ambush. . . Trowa, they're all. . . over. . . ." He coughed. "I was shot."  
  
Trowa balled his fist in anger. Quatre shouldn't even be here, he thought. He's not the kind of person to be fighting like this. "Where? Where are you hurt?"  
  
"Right. . . right here. . . ." He lifted away his jacket, exposing a bullet wound on the right side of his abdomen. "Trowa. . . we need to get. . . to the control room to the. . . to the others. I can walk, but I'll need help."  
  
Trowa nodded. "C'mon, Quatre, you can make it," he said. "We're almost done. We're almost there."  
  
Quatre stood up with Trowa's help, half running, half stumbling while leaning on Trowa the whole time. "Trowa, where's. . . where's Jaime?"  
  
Trowa frowned. "She went to the main control room. We should be there any second now. . . . There!" He pointed to the open door ahead of them. He could hear yelling and other noises coming from inside. He put Quatre right outside the door, and pushed it the rest of the way open.  
  
*--* 


	13. The Moral of the Story

*--*  
  
Jaime only had to fight through about ten or twelve guards to get to the door that said "Control Room-Authorized Personnel Only." She tried turning the knob, but it was locked. So she took out a pistol and shot the doorknob and lock off all together. She kicked the door open and burst into the room.  
  
"Huh?" There was only one person in the room. A little girl of about twelve sat in a high swivel chair; her face and pink hair highlighted an eerie blue colour by the hoard of computer monitors. "Hn. *You* must be Mariemaia. Where is Deakim Barton?" Jaime asked.  
  
Mariemaia smiled innocently. "Oh, you mean him?" She pointed behind Jaime.  
  
"What-?" Jaime turned around in time to see the butt of a rifle come barreling down at her before everything went black.  
  
"Hold her until she wakes up," Mariemaia instructed Deakim.  
  
*--*  
  
"Duo, get me out of here!" Heero growled into his speaker.  
  
"I'm trying, damnit!" Duo grunted. "They're like ants, man. Every time I hit one, another damned two show up!" He whipped a hand grenade from its holster and threw it at a group of soldiers. "Good thing they're not trained very well." Before they could figure out what it was, the miniature bomb killed thirty of their group. "The problem is, more keep coming!"  
  
At this, Heero burst through the doors of the boiler room, a gun in each hand. "All right, let's go!" He laughed maniacally. "I'll kill all of you!"  
  
Duo spared a glance for Heero. "Heero . . . ."  
  
*--*  
  
"WuFei," Kristen's voice came through my transponder. "WuFei, I've hit a dead end. I have to come back around your way. Damn it! I've got about ten soldiers on my tail!"  
  
"Kristen?"  
  
"It's all right. I'm shakin' 'em off. I've got it. Are you there, yet?"  
  
I nodded. "Almost. I can see the door. I've got maybe a couple hundred of yards. Hurry!"  
  
"I will. I-"  
  
All of a sudden, two shots rang out. "WuFei? What the hell was that? WuFei?! Are you all right?"  
  
"I'm fine. It wasn't me. It came from the control room. Please hurry, Kristen!"  
  
*--*  
  
When Jaime came to and opened her eyes, she found herself staring into the face of an old man. "*You* must be *Deakim*," she spat. That earned her a slap across the face. She tried to reach a hand to her face, but when she couldn't, she looked down to see her hands restrained by some rope tied to a chair.  
  
"Now," Mariemaia said, coming into Jaime's view, "I'll let you up, but you have to promise to be a good girl." Jaime just glared. "I'll take that as a 'yes'," Mariemaia said cheerfully. She cut the ropes binding Jaime with a knife, setting her free.  
  
Jaime stood up slowly, then made a quick grab for her gun.  
  
"Ah, ah, ah," Mariemaia laughed, wagging a finger at her. "We've already taken away your toys. Tsk, tsk, tsk. And I let you out on good behaviour. Deakim?"  
  
Jaime felt her arms suddenly jerked backward behind her back and tied together painfully with a thick twine, tightened until she cried out. She then felt a sharp pain shoot across her neck, and felt hot liquid travel downward, making lazy tracks. "You monsters . . . ."  
  
"Oh?" Again with the innocent look. "How is that? As I recall, *you* first attacked *us*."  
  
"No!" Jaime yelled. "*You* attacked ESUN! What did they ever do to *you*?"  
  
Mariemaia scowled. "They did *everything*. They're a hypocritical democracy that doesn't care for anyone but themselves!"  
  
"You're wrong," a quiet voice said from the doorway.  
  
"Trowa!" Jaime cried, delighted. "Thank god you're here!"  
  
"Trowa, is it?" Deakim said from behind her. "Hm. This girl here seems to hold compassion for you. There's no place for that in this war."  
  
"You're wrong," Trowa said again. "The war is over, if you'd only open your eyes and see."  
  
"You are mistaken," Mariemaia said quietly. "ESUN doesn't care for the colonies! We're rectifying *their* mistake!"  
  
Jaime felt a cold circle pressed against the back of her neck. "Oh, no . . . ." She shook her head back and forth.  
  
"You will be but one of the many who are sacrificed for our noble cause. You are not the first, and will not be the last," Deakim said, cocking his gun.  
  
"Trowa," Jaime whispered, her eyes wide with fear. "Please, no . . . . Trowa, please . . . ."  
  
A shot rang out, and Trowa watched as Jaime's form crumpled to the ground.  
  
"No . . . ." Trowa locked the gun's sight on Deakim. "You bastards . . . ."  
  
*--* 


	14. The Impossible

*--*  
  
I was almost there . . . . I could see the door. Quatre was sitting outside, his face pallid. "Quatre, are you alright?"  
  
He nodded. "I'm fine, WuFei. I think someone is hurt in there, though, and . . . and they're one of ours. I'm too afraid to look in and see who it is."  
  
"I'm going in. Watch for Kristen." Quatre nodded.  
  
Walking in the door, I immediately saw Trowa aiming a gun at Mariemaia, Deakim already on the floor. "Trowa, we were supposed to-" He cut me off with a nod in Deakim's general direction. Right behind him, almost shielded completely behind his body, was a blonde-haired girl. "Trowa, that isn't . . . ." Trowa nodded, his eyes cold. "I . . . I'm so sorry, Trowa." I bowed. "I grieve with you for your loss."  
  
"Don't worry. Deakim's not dead. He's still alive."  
  
*--*  
  
"Hello?" I yelled into my headset. I had turned it to B-0 so I could talk to everyone. WuFei was still on B-5, so he couldn't hear me, but I was hoping *someone* was listening. "Quatre? Trowa? Jaime? Is anyone listening? Hello?!"  
  
"-hear you. Kristen? Is that you?"  
  
"Duo? Yeah, it's me. There's something going on at the control room. I heard gunshots."  
  
"You didn't get the message earlier, then," Duo said. "This place is full to the gills with 'armed personnel.'"  
  
"Duo and I are making our way out of a mess right now," Heero cut in. "Quatre's been hurt-"  
  
I gasped. "Oh, no! Is he okay?"  
  
"He's fine," Heero said calmly. "But Jaime's dead."  
  
That stopped me. "What?" I asked, my voice dangerously quiet.  
  
"She's gone, Kristen . . . ." Duo sympathized.  
  
Jaime dead? How could that be? How could that be real?  
  
She'd been my best friend forever. Teased me about my hair and music as I teased her about her horses and obsessive shopping. How long ago had that been? A hundred years?  
  
She'd wanted to live on Earth, in Montana, and have lots of horses, and maybe be a veterinarian. But she wasn't sure that would ever happen. And of course all that was in the past, too.  
  
She had this way of seeming untouched by what went on around her. Unaffected. Above. She was a person who could walk through a car wash and come out dry. She could move through a mosh pit and never be jostled. She could wear white clothes to ride horseback and somehow never get a spot on her.  
  
But the war had touched her. She'd changed, and she'd known she was changing. The war had revealed a hidden part of her soul. She alone, of all of us, she alone liked it. Loved it, even. She had enjoyed the fight. Even Heero didn't revel in the glory of the battle.  
  
Sometimes I imagined her as a Viking. Or as a knight on a quest. That's what she was: a joyful warrior.  
  
And she had died fighting against impossible odds.  
  
Like a hole inside me. Like someone had taken a knife and carved a hole in my chest. Like I might cave in, be swallowed up and disappear in that hole. I had grown up with Jaime since the seventh grade. For Christ's sake, we were only eighteen!  
  
Poor Jaime. Poor Quatre.  
  
And now, all of us, the survivors. The victim-perpetrators.  
  
Barging into the control room, I found WuFei. "Tell me it isn't true," I begged him, "tell me she's still alive."  
  
*--* 


	15. The Shock

*--*  
  
I jumped as Kristen came running through the door. I think she attached herself to my body subconsciously.  
  
"WuFei, tell me it isn't true. Tell me she's still alive!"  
  
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Kristen."  
  
Tears filled her eyes. "We . . . we grew up together. I . . . I don't have anyone else, now. There's no one left."  
  
I wanted to say, no, you still have us, you still have . . . me. I scoffed at my own idea. Right. "Stay with it, Kristen. We still have a mission to complete."  
  
She glared at me then, her tears making her eyes glitter dangerously. "Shut up. Shut. Up. Shut up, shut up, shut up! Just . . . ." She started to cry, only to be interrupted by something. She cocked her head to the side. "What? Why me?"  
  
I was going to ask her why she was talking to herself when I realized she still had her comm. unit on. "What's going on?" I asked instead.  
  
"It's Heero . . . . He and Duo want us to . . . detain Deakim and Mariemaia."  
  
*--*  
  
I listened as Heero told me our instructions. "WuFei, you're supposed to take Deakim and I'll get Mariemaia." He nodded silently, going to check on Deakim's still body. In the meantime, Trowa shook himself from his reverie, and whispered, "Be careful," before going to check on Quatre.  
  
Mariemaia stood, calmly waiting for me to approach her. I did so with caution, training my gun on her leg, where it wouldn't be fatal, just painful. Her big eyes made her look innocent, but I knew better. There was an aura about her that was . . . well, just not right.  
  
She started talking as soon as I was within hearing range. "Just woman to woman, I want to ask you something," she said as she impassively allowed me to tie her hands together. "Why do you hate us so much?"  
  
"Because," I walked around her to face her directly, "you're trying to destroy a a peace that many of us sacrificed much to earn." I started walking away, but then turned back. "Oh," I sneered, "and just woman to woman, you can kiss my ass."  
  
She stood there, speechless. Probably at my choice of words. "Well, you can at least untie me. There is no need for that. You can trust me."  
  
WuFei had walked up during the course of our conversation and snorted at this. "Why should *anyone* trust *you*?"  
  
Mariemaia shrugged. "I keep my word. I won't harm you. Just please untie me."  
  
*--*  
  
I shook my head, watching Kristen do the same. "Not a chance," she grinned.  
  
"Do it," Mariemaia snarled suddenly, and I felt rather than heard a bullet whiz by my ear, and then a dull thud. I whipped my head around to find Deakim, barely standing, but holding a gun. Did he just shoot Mariemaia? To keep her from talking, or what? What was going on? I turned back around. "Kristen, what-?"  
  
Her eyes were wide, her mouth open, ready to speak. "Wu. . . WuFei, I . . . ."  
  
"Kristen? What's wrong?" I saw her mouth worked, but no sound came out, before she slumped forward. I felt a warm wetness on my hand. "Kristen?"  
  
*--* 


	16. To Live and Let Live

*--*  
  
"Do it," I had heard Mariemaia say before a shot rang out in the control room. I suddenly felt a dull, throbbing pain in my abdomen. "WuFei, I . . . ."  
  
WuFei turned around. Was that concern I saw in his eyes? "Kristen? What's wrong?"  
  
I fell forward, losing, for the moment, control of my muscles. A fiery pain erupted from my stomach. "WuFei . . . ." I coughed, bringing up blood on WuFei's dark shirt. "I-I'm sorry," I muttered, bringing my gun slowly up. I was still hanging onto WuFei for support, but I could still aim just fine. I shot Deakim between the eyes.  
  
I felt my legs buckle beneath me. "WuFei . . . I'm sorry . . . . I didn't even die with honour. Heh." I sat down hard on the tile floor.  
  
WuFei almost looked panicked. "Kristen . . . no! Don't say that! You're going to be fine."  
  
I knew what was coming. I knew.  
  
I saw it in WuFei's eyes.  
  
And you know what? I was scared.  
  
I never thought I would be. Duo thinks I'm fearless. Quatre thinks I'm reckless. WuFei . . . well, I was hoping WuFei would come to love me, at least.  
  
I guess they all do, in different ways. As a friend, anyway. WuFei, too. But Heero had to do the right thing, and he hadn't known what would have happened.  
  
I felt sorry for him, you know? He's carried the weight for so long. He's made hard decisions. I didn't blame him, not even for a minute.  
  
But I was scared.  
  
I guess no one wants to die. I guess everyone is scared when the time comes.  
  
We were so close. We were right there, right at the finish line. I'd already survived so many times when I shouldn't have. It seemed unfair. To come this far, get this close . . . .  
  
It was a war, after all. A war we had to win.  
  
Still, though, I was scared.  
  
"Kristen . . . . Kristen?"  
  
WuFei's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Wha-?"  
  
"Please . . . ."  
  
Time stopped. I lay there in suspended animation. I felt myself floating. I saw everything through a haze. "Please, what . . . WuFei?" I could see my best friend, Jaime. Dead. Heero. Duo, funny Duo. Trowa, holding Quatre up.  
  
WuFei. He was crying. I didn't understand. "WuFei?"  
  
*--*  
  
"Shh. Don't talk. Save your strength." I didn't want her to die. I had grown fond of Kristen the past couple of months. No, it was more than fondness. It was . . . .  
  
She shook her head slowly. "It doesn't matter, now. You know that." She coughed up blood again, not even bothering to wipe it away this time. So I did it, using the edge of my sleeve.  
  
"Please . . . Kristen . . . you can't die."  
  
She smiled ruefully. "Is that concern . . . coming from the . . . mighty Ch- Chang WuFei?"  
  
I sighed, feeling tears make hot tracks down my cheeks. "Kristen, I . . . ."  
  
"No, I want to . . . get this out before I die. Don't cry over me. I'm not worth it."  
  
"You're worth more than you think. You're not going to die," I argued desperately with Fate, knowing I was wrong.  
  
"Please, just . . . . WuFei . . . ." Kristen struggled to sit up. As she did, she leaned forward, and her lips brushed against mine, "WuFei, I love you."  
  
*--* 


	17. Confessions of the Fallen

*--*  
  
"WuFei, I love you."  
  
And oh, god, how could so much regret and so much sweetness and so much sadness all be present in that single moment. I was already dead and missing my unlived life.  
  
I tried to smile. For him.  
  
No one moved. I don't think anyone even dared to breathe. Until . . . . I felt WuFei's arms slowly come and wrap around me, enveloping me in surrounding warmth. The rest of my body was freezing. I could hear my own teeth chattering.  
  
"She's going into shock," I hears someone say. Heero? Were they talking about me?  
  
WuFei's arms tightened. "Kristen," he whispered into my hair, "Kristen, I love you, too. I love you. Oh, please . . . don't leave me here . . . not now . . . ."  
  
But I knew he would not-could not-save me. The Gundam pilots were there to honour me, and I guess that was nice of them. Wasn't going to help me much.  
  
I could feel WuFei's tears make a quickly cooling damp spot on my shirt. My vision was starting to severely blacken around the edges.  
  
I wanted so much to live. I wanted so much to stay and not to leave. In a moment, no answer would matter to me, but just the same, I wanted to know what I guess any dying person wants to know.  
  
"WuFei . . . answer . . . answer me this, WuFei, please: Did . . . Did I make a difference? My life, and my . . . my death . . . was I worth it? Did my life really matter?"  
  
"Yes," he whispered, tears still in his eyes. "You were brave. You were strong. You were good. You mattered."  
  
I nodded. I couldn't see anything, now, but I reached up and felt WuFei's face, his cheeks, and his lips that I would never be able to kiss, before my hand lost all of its strength. "Yeah. Okay, then. Okay, then."  
  
I wondered if- 


	18. Author's Note

This is just an author's note. First of all, I would like to thank all *two* of my reviewers, Vic and Scotch. *sigh* I wish I had more, so please review!  
  
Scotch: I updated, so if you ever come here, please tell me what you think of the rest of the story.  
  
Vic: I'm pretty sure I'm going to end it there. I know it seems a major cliff hanger, but I wanted it to be abrupt. If I have more people say they want Kristen and Jaime revived, I might do it. Actually, this was a self- insertion fic. I am Kristen, and Jaime actually *is* my best friend that I've known since seventh grade. Fun, huh?  
  
Well, I *might* right a sequel, but like I said, not unless I get more reviews and/or pleads. Okay? 


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